Resilience – Super Glue of the Psyche
You know you’re having one of those months when the crow’s feet have turned into vulture’s claws, the weirdo on the bus moves away from you when you sit down and the Big Issue salesmen toss a pound in your direction when they see you coming.
Oh don’t. Me too. A month that would make Stephen King wince and worst of all almost all of it entirely of my own making. Ouch. But you get times like that don’t you? My current blame du jour is the four super moons last year, that those in the know predicted would throw to the surface all unfinished business and fracture all that has been emotionally papered over into deep fractures.
Change, as much as we are digging the vintage vibe and doing the ostrich to things we can’t bear, is one of life’s inevitabilities. We’re all having to dig deep these days. Not just profoundly into our pockets but into our psyches too to help mend and make do in uncertain times. Redundancy, relationship crises, health issues and financial worries are becoming an increasing life burden.
When the future is foggy we struggle to find a rock to cling to. We want black and white answers when 50 shades of grey offers an unexciting and altogether unsexy prospect. So, the buzzword to hold on to is resilience. Simply put it’s the ability to draw into ourselves to find the reserve we need to help us through tough times.
Easy to say but not so straight forward to apply when you feel like jelly and you find yourself on shaky ground. Where’s the core foundation to draw upon? You must have faith in your own instincts and abilities which will help guide you along the way,z with the goal in mind that things will get better as you take baby steps each day towards it. Coaching is great for this.
Digging deep into hitherto unknown reserves of self is what Japanese author Haruki Murakami writes about in his book on spirituality, philosophy and marathons What I Talk About When I Talk AboutRunning. Here he explains how he trained himself to be a marathon runner after smoking over 40 cigarettes a day and how he became an award-winning writer after a random thought occurred to him while drinking beer at a baseball game. He honestly reveals what he has to do to achieve these things, as he says, without any great innate gift and what he draws upon to do that. Ordinarily we don’t have to dig that deep for our everyday lives, but it is worth creating systems which you can turn to when you feel the ground shaking and your nerve heading for the Exit with someone else’s coat.
Here are a few coaching tips to help consolidate resilience.
- Maintain good relationships with your family and friends and accept their help in times of stress. Also, getting involved in community groups for spiritual support too.
- Try to look at the big picture of life and avoid viewing difficult times as insurmountable. Take small steps toward your goals and take one day at a time.
- Accept that change is a part of life and acceptance of what is – is key.
- Keep working toward your goals every day, and ask yourself “What can I do today to move in the direction I need to go?
- Maintain a positive view of life and visualize what you want.
- Remember how you survived a tragedy or crisis in the past. Many people report having more confidence in themselves after a crisis and some even have a deeper appreciation for life. You did it then you can again.
- Take care of yourself. Eat well, sleep and exercise to keep yourself healthy. This is especially important during times of stress.
- And decide – you will prevail. Even this will pass.